One Night With Paris

Last week my wife was watching Paris Hilton on Larry King, because she had recorded it on the DVR. Larry King is great. Nobody does an interview better than him. He even made it interesting without playing clips of that weird porno tape she made.

My wife made a good point about Paris. People just don't understand how difficult it can be to be raised wealth-conscious like I was. We make little mistakes that other people don't. Paris has made a few mistakes. Okay, Paris has made a lot of mistakes, but not all of them were terrible.

The reason I'm telling this story is this. Someone from management who's on my side sent me an email that had been going around the newsroom. The email had quotes from Paris and quotes from me. Like, trying to say that I was as stupid as Paris.

I'll show you part of it so you can see how dumb it is:

"I've never done drugs." - Par(is)

"I didn't use data to hurt PiPress." - Par

"It really baffles me sometimes when I read things." - Par(is)

"Revenue has been declining since 2004 and we need to respond to that reality." - Par

"I didn't plan on using the Pioneer Press financials." - Par

"I don't want to cause a whole media circus." - Par(is)

"I should have been more sensitive to that." - Par

"I consider myself normal." -Par(is)

Nice try fellas. But I could take any sentence that you have said and make it sound stupid, too. Everyone makes mistakes, but we only get in trouble because of the public spotlight. If I could have a mulligan on those ad sheets and non-competes, I'd tell people flat out that I was taking them. Then it wouldn't have been such a fucking scandal.

Paris also said, "I did my time." Having to go through this trial is like doing time. But when my lawyers settle, I'll be free again, too.