Pools Are For Swimsuits

Someone just forwarded me the internet page that has pictures from the Star Tribune's vitamn fashion show at the Calhoun Beach Club. At the time I was bummed that I couldn't attend because the last time it was like a swimsuit competition sponsored by our company. That means the publisher should be sitting front and center. But after looking at the pictures, I'm glad I didn't go. None of these chicks are that hot (this one is the best) and only one of them is wearing a swimsuit top. This is totally something for my wife and her friends, not me. I hope this isn't what's being printed in our free paper or we're going to have to increase the budget for give aways again.

Dining for a Cause

This weekend my wife and I are going to that new Cosmos restaurant in Minneapolis. She read about their new chef in Minnesota Monthly and now wants to go eat there. That way she can talk to her girlfriends about it. She also likes to tell lucky me all about it. The old chef, Bill Bixby Dahtry, left to go teach, which is really admirable or noble, and the new chef Steven Trojan has done a great job with his well constructed and multicultural menu.

Anyway, I hope it's good, whatever it is. To tell you the truth, I'm not much for fancy dining, unless it's that place Carousel in downtown St. Paul. It's called Carousel because the tables slowly move in a circle so you can get a view of all of the Twin Cities. And it's on top of Crowne Plaza, which is pretty high, so you really can see a lot of stuff. Also, it's really classy. You've got to dress up if you're going to eat there at night.

Paul Magers House Into A Home

We're still re-decorating of Paul Magers's house. I can't believe it either. My wife's designer told her that maybe I should work on furnishing a home office. That would make me more supportive of buying all the new stuff for the house. Getting rid of all the ear marked Crate & Barrel and West Elm and all the other home catalogues, that's what would make me more supportive.

But a home office isn't a bad idea. We have one now, but it could be updated. Also, if Avista promotes me out of the publisher spot at the Star Tribune, I might want to work partially from home like a lot of reporters do. I could get two monitors on the computer or a sweet laptop or something. Actually, I could get a wi fi and take the laptop to the pool when the wife was out.

With a home office, I could also write a book or different editorials for the Wall Street Journal. I don't know what they would be about, but it could be topical. Can you imagine that? Sitting by the pool with beer, writing articles or a screenplay? That's the life right there.

I'll have to think about this screenplay idea more.

An Easy Weekend

Sometimes you have to just relax on the weekends. It's been pretty busy with the trial and writers having their meeting to force me out this week.

I decided that this weekend I was just going to unwind. You know, sit around and have some me time. You have to "take it easy". I didn't even want to go up north because I would have to fight the traffic coming back. If you go to your cabin on the weekend, you know what I mean. It's really bad now that 35E is all under construction.

Here's all that I did. I watched some tv that was on the DVR, I hit a few buckets of balls, I checked in with my dad and my lawyer, I read through the Sunday edition of the Star Tribune, that kind of stuff. Just relaxed.

I also let my wife and her friends take our tickets to the Tiger Oak Metropolitan Magazine party at the Walker. I really like these kind of events because I can go to see shows or exhibits without having to deal with all the regular people who go to that stuff. And it's better than a fundraiser because you don't get harped on for a donation. My wife loves them, too, because her and her friends don't have to worry about talking about the paintings because everyone who goes doesn't know anything about paintings and are just there to drink and look cool. But that's how they relax. And we all need to relax sometimes.

Publisher Is Higher Up Than VP

Okay, here's something funny for you. My wife can't stop talking about the things her and the designer have picked out for Paul Magers house that I just bought. Curtains, blah, blah, blah, sage brush, blah, blah, granite something, whatever. It can get on my nerves, especially after an entire day of meetings. The last thing I want is a meeting with my wife about decorating. But that's not what's funny.

I left the house to grab a beer at the OC with some friends of mine and while we were drinking, some guy came up to us and asked me if I was related to Kevin McHale because I looked like him!

Here's what Kevin McHale looks like, sitting next to Bird:


Can you believe that? Jeff told that guy that he could see what he meant, but McHale is way taller than I am. I mean, come on. I told him that I was the publisher of the Star Tribune and he sounded pretty impressed. He also bought my next Amstel Light for my trouble. If I see McHale at an event, I'm going to tell him that story. He'll love it.

One Night With Paris

Last week my wife was watching Paris Hilton on Larry King, because she had recorded it on the DVR. Larry King is great. Nobody does an interview better than him. He even made it interesting without playing clips of that weird porno tape she made.

My wife made a good point about Paris. People just don't understand how difficult it can be to be raised wealth-conscious like I was. We make little mistakes that other people don't. Paris has made a few mistakes. Okay, Paris has made a lot of mistakes, but not all of them were terrible.

The reason I'm telling this story is this. Someone from management who's on my side sent me an email that had been going around the newsroom. The email had quotes from Paris and quotes from me. Like, trying to say that I was as stupid as Paris.

I'll show you part of it so you can see how dumb it is:

"I've never done drugs." - Par(is)

"I didn't use data to hurt PiPress." - Par

"It really baffles me sometimes when I read things." - Par(is)

"Revenue has been declining since 2004 and we need to respond to that reality." - Par

"I didn't plan on using the Pioneer Press financials." - Par

"I don't want to cause a whole media circus." - Par(is)

"I should have been more sensitive to that." - Par

"I consider myself normal." -Par(is)

Nice try fellas. But I could take any sentence that you have said and make it sound stupid, too. Everyone makes mistakes, but we only get in trouble because of the public spotlight. If I could have a mulligan on those ad sheets and non-competes, I'd tell people flat out that I was taking them. Then it wouldn't have been such a fucking scandal.

Paris also said, "I did my time." Having to go through this trial is like doing time. But when my lawyers settle, I'll be free again, too.